I have several blog posts brewing, including a reflection of my week off and some thoughts on the reading I was able to do. But tonight I’m going to try to put into words something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

NEWSFLASH: I don’t like being single. I’m over it.

Several things have led to me putting my thoughts on the subject into words.

1) Adam’s posts that have asked the question “Where Are All The Christian Single Men?” [Pt. 1 ; Pt. 2]
2) Having an entire week off
3) The freight train-esque approach of my 30th birthday

I think I was finally able to explain my position this week. It’s not that my life is empty and miserable without a husband, as is the case for some woman. My life is awesome. I have a job that a love, I’m surrounded by a community that I love and I’m truly enjoying the journey God has me on and the challenging, sometimes painful process of being molded into the person He wants me to be.  My life rocks … and I want someone to share it with. When I have a day (or a week) off, I want someone to enjoy it with. When I go for an evening walk to enjoy the sunset, I want someone to walk with. I want someone to share my stories with, someone to talk to about my faith journey, someone to struggle through the questions of trials of life with… and someone that will share their stories, joys and struggles with me as well.

I firmly believe that marriage is not the path for everyone and I have prayed over and over that the Lord would take away my desire for a family – if that’s not the path he has chosen for me. Hasn’t happened. If anything, it’s gotten more intense.

One of the things pointed out in Adam’s posts and the followup comments is that women need to communicate better about what they want and need. I think I hold back on sharing that list for fear of being intimidating or high maintenance. But I’m guessing that what I actually need to do is be more blunt. So here goes…

1) The best I can offer you is the number 2 spot in my life. God sits on the throne. That spot is not up for grabs. And to be fair, I won’t ever ask for the number 1 spot in your life. I need to know that Jesus is firmly planted there.

2) Yes, I’m in ministry. If that raises concerns about the whole wives submitting to their husbands thing – let me set your mind at ease. I am the spiritual leader to over 50 teenagers at work. I don’t need/want to be the spiritual leader at home. That’s all you. I’m never going to fight you for the job.

3) I’m not dating. I dated when I was younger. Now I’m searching for my husband. If you’re not in it to win it, please don’t waste my time.

4) Men not interested in fatherhood need not apply.

5) I’m looking for a man who loves life. [Please don’t misunderstand, I don’t mean that I’m searching for a man who is without trial, struggle or flaw].  A man who is enjoying the path God has him on and is looking for someone to share the journey with.

How’s that for honesty?  I have to admit, it feels good to get it out there.

Ladies, I do encourage you to be more honest and upfront about what you’re looking for.  Let’s do our brothers a favor and take some of the guess work out of it. Let’s face it, we’re enough of a mystery without keeping our motives/expectations a secret.  Why make it more difficult than it needs to be?

And guys, if the above description sounds like you, my ring finger is size 7.5

Posted on August 31, 2008, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Sara— well done. Men are not the brightest of tribes. I especially love your #1 on the list.

    I think that idolatry comes into play in relationships a lot. People wonder why things are all screwed up… and they mess us the basic structure of it. Great ideas.

    The ring size thing cracked me up!

  2. Woah, this post is awesome! lol I love it!

    Sometimes the wait feels long to us, but I’ll never forget what a woman told me on her wedding day at age 65, “It was absolutely worth the wait!”

  3. I got married to my wife Kim when I was 30 and she was 29. We’ve been married for seven years. While most of our friends were married in their early twenties and have kids old enough to be in my youth ministry neither of us regret getting married later. We knew from the beginning we were meant for each other. As Tim said, it’ absolutely worth the wait. Praying for you!

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